Hidden Inside
by mayhemsquared
Summary: Receiving his mother's diary as a gift, Harry discovers an unknown part of Lily's life that not even her closest friends knew of. LE & SS
1. Before it Began

A.N.: Hey, everybody! This is mayhemsquared and we are here to bring you a fic whose idea we've been working on for about…three years. Yes, sad, and quite pathetic, we know. But after so long, we've finally got the inspiration to do something with it. This isn't our first time publishing something on but it has been quite a while and our style has changed since then. And since we changed, our penname changed. Anyways, thank you to all those people who took a chance on us to read this story…. so please enjoy and be sure to review!

Disclaimer: Why we even bother with this, who knows, because believe us, if we owned Harry Potter………well, we don't, and that's that.

Prologue/Chapter 1

**December 1996: Hogwarts, Christmastime.**

It was snowing again. And it wasn't pretty snow either. It was blizzard type snow with a cold so frigid that it was impossible to move after one step. Everyone was thrilled to go home after such a long time. But, Hermione reflected, they were probably less thrilled and more relieved. After all, even she had to agree that the comfort and warm atmosphere of her home was much preferred to the nervous and anxious mood that always seemed to plague the castle nowadays.

"Harry, mate….are you sure?" Ron asked for the umpteenth time. "Just have Dumbledore talk to Snape for you and I'm positive he'll let you off. Mum's always writing how worried she is about you, and besides, it's Christmas! Let's go home and have some fun for once."

"Ron, for the millionth time, I'd rather just get these blasted detentions done with," Harry said calmly, moving his bishop one square diagonally to the right. "And you know that I don't want to drag Professor Dumbledore into this."

"It's just that we feel rotten about leaving you in the castle for the vacation alone," said Ron, his eyebrows furrowing in frustrated concentration on the chessboard.

"I'm telling you, don't worry about me. I have so much work to do anyways that I know that I'd never get it done at your house. Go and enjoy -"

"Hah!" Ron yelled triumphantly, cutting Harry off. "Checkmate!" He turned grinning to a furious Hermione with her arms crossed against her chest. "Ahem…uh, sorry about that mate. What were you saying?"

"Nothing," Harry mumbled.

"Well, Harry, I suppose we should be going now," Hermione said gently. She stood up slowly from the table as Ron began to clean up the chessboard.

"Yeah….you guys should go before you miss the train," Harry said softly, looking in the opposite direction.

"Don't let that old bastard ruin the vacation for you. ("Ron, language, really…!" exclaimed Hermione) Just shut him up with a curse or two if he talks trash to you." Ron said, smirking at the very thought.

Harry smiled faintly.

"And Harry…please, please take care of yourself…" Hermione said quietly, pleading silently that he would listen, knowing though that he wouldn't.

"Yeah, yeah, I know…" Harry mumbled as he walked away. Ron raised an eyebrow to Hermione who just miserably watched Harry walk back to the common room. Ron opened his mouth to say something but then thought better of it and stopped. He shrugged his shoulders and started walking in the direction of the train station.

Hermione sighed resignedly. Harry had been like this for the past few days, constantly brooding, constantly staring in empty space. It was nothing new of course. He had been doing it the entire year. But she would have liked to believe that returning back to Hogwarts would clear at least some of his troubled mind. Surprisingly, it had done the exact opposite. Ron though would always just say to give him time, just give him enough time. But that was the problem with Ron. He thought as a boy, she thought as a girl. She knew something was different, that something was bothering him. But she also knew better than to ask him. Ever since Sirius's death, the protective wall surrounding Harry, the one shielding him from all the pain and agony, had climbed to much higher extents. Any questioning that went too far would simply result with nothing. She was grateful that he talked to them at all. To the teachers, he barely gave one-word answers and to even his dorm mates, he was brief, almost terse. Professor McGonagall had once told her privately that she was tearing her hair out with worry over him. Not that there was anything to be gained by staying silent either. No, for right now, she and Ron would just have to bear the anxiety and wait for Harry to tell them himself. They could trust him with that much at least.

* * *

Harry winced as he lay down on the four-poster bed. The excessive Quidditch practice was beginning to take its toll on his body as every muscle in his body called out in agony. He reached his arm out to the nightstand near his bed and picked up the musty old brown journal that had been sitting for the last few days. Harry just simply stared at it. 

In Care of Magical Creatures a few days ago, Hagrid had called him to stay longer after class ended. Assuming it was a question about taking care of Grawp, Harry nodded his consent and stayed the extra minutes. But it was far from that. Hagrid simply handed over to him a diary without saying a word. Harry was confused and a tad bit irritated. Yes, he knew he had problems but he wasn't so messed up as to start keeping a journal. Even so, if Hagrid had to have gotten him a journal, couldn't he have gotten him one that at least didn't smell like decaying leather? But then, Hagrid pointed out the name on the diary. Lily Evans. And Harry froze. Hagrid explained that he had been the one clean up most of the destroyed house the day his parents died. One of the few things that hadn't been burned down was the diary. Unable to open it, Hagrid had put it away in storage until he could give it to Harry. Over the years he had forgotten about it and going through a recent spring-cleaning, he had found it again.

It wasn't as if he was glad Ron and Hermione had left. He knew the next two weeks were going to be hell without them to keep him company when he wasn't doing detention with Snape. He just didn't want anyone to bear witness to the fact that while everybody else could just ask his or her parents directly, he had to read his mother's diary to learn more about her. And that disturbed him. Not that he couldn't ask his parents directly. He had come to terms with that ages ago. It was the fact that he was reading his mother's diary. The most personal and precious item to any person who owned one, and Harry was having great difficulty in bringing himself to violate the privacy that his mother had kept locked within the pages.

Hagrid had said that it was the type of diary with a signature lock, meaning that instead of an actual key that the diarist would use to seal it, they would sign their name on the placard centered in the middle of the front cover. Each person has a distinct method of signing his or her name so the diary would only open to Lily's signature. It also meant though, that it was impossible for Harry to open it, for Harry certainly did not know how his mother used to sign her name. Even if he did, he would never be able to copy it exactly the way she wrote it. But it didn't mean that he wouldn't try.

Harry dipped his quill in the bottle of ink and held it over the inscription area of the cover. He was about to write Lily Evans but stopped short. Instead, he wrote his own name. The ink sunk into the paper and a second later, the inscription was blank, as if Harry had never written in it. He stared at it, confused. But almost two seconds later, messy, scrawny handwriting came running across the page and Harry's eyes widened in disbelief. It read: _This is the property of Lily Evans, in other words, me! Don't even think of trying to go through my diary!_ Harry just stared at the paper. Freakishly, it was reminding him of Tom Riddle's diary and he had half a mind to chuck it out the window and never think of it again. But he took up his quill once again and this time wrote: Harry Potter, son of Lily Evans and James Potter. And the ink disappeared once again. Harry waited for a response for almost ten minutes but none came. He sighed. Well, at least he could say that he had tried. He was just about to put the diary back in his trunk when he heard a soft click. He gazed down at the diary in astonishment. The lock had popped open.

Harry cautiously opened the diary. He had to brush off the dust that had collected there with little use. The pages had turned slightly yellow with age and the edges were starting to wrinkle and tear. In places, the edges were singed. The sheets were crinkled from signs of water stains. It was obvious that the book had gone through much wear and tear. It was the beginning page though that had caught his attention first. It was a torn, crumpled up piece of paper that had been smoothed back out and taped into the diary. It was the same type of paper as the rest of the diary so Harry could only assume that the page had been torn out but then put back in. It was a poem. Not a long one, but a good page nonetheless. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, put on his glasses, and began to read…

_A glance in my direction_

_Is all it takes to show_

_That I exist…_

**September 1975: Hogwarts**

_A glance in my direction_

_is all it takes to show_

_that I exist._

_Is is that much to ask?_

_I have only wished for_

_recognition in your eyes,_

_Only searched for acceptance_

_in your voice._

_I have only wanted comfort_

_for this heart,_

_Only looked for solace_

_for this soul._

_I am falling into myself_

_like never before._

_Come, find me._

Lily lifted her quill and bit the feather tip thoughtfully, rereading her work. Her previous frown of concentration deepened into one of disgust as her eyes ran down the page. Finally, she wrinkled her nose.

"What sort of blasted rubbish is this?"

She made to rip it out and throw it aside but stopped mid-tear. Instead she sighed and shoved the diary back into her bag. She didn't know what good editing would do later, but that day she felt merciful to such an insignificant page of her diary. Nah, she was just too lazy to dispose of it. Lily struggled to her feet and stretched, her knuckles brushing the low-lying branches of the so-often-visited beech tree she'd been writing under. Then she collapsed back down.

The students surrounding the lake were basking in the sun, laughing and babbling away without a care in the world while Lily sat there spending time on her own which, she realized a few days ago, she preferred. But she hadn't been alone from lack of choice. As a matter of fact, her girlfriends had dropped by to talk, hoping for another endless chain of group chit-chat, but lost interest quickly after the first feeble efforts of conversation and took off, reminding her that she was being -- "distant". Lily rolled her eyes but smirked slightly nonetheless. She had just wanted some time for herself, that was all. There was no need to be so suspicious and worked up about her not wanting every second of her life to with of her "since first-year" friends, talking about trivial worries ("I think my Sleak-Easy potion's gone old or something. My hair seems to be turning a weird…magenta"), gushing news ("Did you notice that Ravenclaw boy became captain of the Quidditch team? Does he have the most gorgeous eyes or what?"), or incessant gossip (So Elaine Docker had to go to Madame Pomfrey to remove those disgusting lip hairs -- _and_ I heard her boyfriend ended it with her because he was way too squeamish to kiss her again).

Not to mention, Lily did need her share of privacy -- like she ever needed another query about every aspect of James' life, as if her own wasn't enough already. Though if she were to answer honestly about James and herself, she doubted the girls would understand that she was...not _unhappy_, of course, but more...somewhat dissatisfied with their relationship, and hopefully she didn't sound spoiled or arrogantly insatiable. But goodness, no, Lily wasn't unhappy. James, disregarding his enormous ego (which had thankfully toned down since he paired up with Lily) was a good companion overall. They would have their intimate moments, maybe exchange a few kisses, and talk. And he was oftentimes interesting, but did not quite meet Lily's occasional needs for intellectual stimulation. It was just that, sometimes...sometimes she wanted to talk about something other than the latest Quidditch game.

Speaking of which, just when Lily made to leave, _he_ came into view, though in a noticeably different manner this time. Instead of strolling with his usual air of superiority, James appeared to be storming over with his gang at his heels.

"Good afternoon, James..." Lily said hesitantly. James glared at her nastily before throwing himself under the beech tree next to her.

"Yes, _good _afternoon! LOVELY afternoon! With the Leech snuffing down your neck, gloating about his oh-so-clever new method of torture, of course you'll coming down to a good afternoon!"

This was something different. James was never this hot-and-bothered about a punishment; a more normal response would have been him, flopping back and savoring the memories of the chaos he stirred which earned him his punishments. Even the most laborious detentions that followed were often treated as medals.

Remus gave James an exasperated look. "_Don't_ say you weren't warned, Prongs, because I've - surprise - done nothing but.."

"How was I to know he'd go as far as this, the stinkin --"

"_Anyway_," Remus cut in. "I tried dissuading these -- dolts --" he jerked his head disgustedly toward James and Sirius, "--from melting Acid Pops into Professor Leese's pumpkin juice this morning in the kitchen --"

Lily let out a cry of horror and whipped around to face James. "You _didn't!_"

Remus gave a dry laugh. "Well, you're going to have to believe they did, because --"

"By the time he had gotten half of his tongue back," Sirius added heatedly. "And was capable of near-human speech --"

"Well, excuse us for putting that ugly git in his place," James ranted. "Served him right, actually, giving us those two weeks of detention the last month --"

"You didn't care about those detentions then," Remus cut in impatiently, preventing the advent of a tale of mischief. "Not as much as you do now, anyway. But apparently, _this_ here," he tapped his prefect pin irritably, "didn't give me any better authority -- not that I expected it to -- to stop you, otherwise _you_, Padfoot, would not be scrubbing the dungeons, and YOU would still be playing Ravenclaw in the next game."

There was a pause. "What?" Lily yelped incredulously.

"Not to mention, Gryffindor's house points would be ticked up by two-hundred, as well," Remus added as an afterthought.

"At least that was what it sounded like, coming from him." Sirius frowned as if in a lightly curious doze of thought. "Closest to 'Duhpenschn-blagh-no-sqdibbick-pggher-chumbegh-augh-dwyppengor', anyway."

Lily only had a second to laugh before she said, "Leese's banning you from Quidditch?" A hint of disbelief still lingered in her voice.

"Only from the next game, mind you," James corrected Lily quickly. "It would've been a lifelong ban, but McGonagall stepped in, the angel that she is. So it means we still have a chance of winning the cup, but we'll have to stand the shame of Gryffindor losing to Ravenclaw." He scowled. "And naturally, as the best seeker who ever joined the Gryffindor team -- and no, I'm not boasting, Lily -- Leese wants to ground the taste of losing in our faces."

He huffed with a sort of exhausted fury while Lily tried to decide whether to express sympathy or roll her eyes at his pomposity. Before she was able to do either, however, James looked up absently. "Hullo, Wormtail." He tried to smile, but as the aftereffects of his outrage hadn't worn off enough, a grimace twisted his face instead.

"Prongs, it's not true, is it?" Peter Pettigrew asked frantically. His hands were on his knees and he was out of breath, having just run across from the other side of the lake. "You're -- you can't -- you're not suspended from Quidditch?"

"Oh, I am, please be kind enough as to not rub it in my face again," James replied flatly, his pained smile still glued to his face.

"You know, Wormtail, somehow it doesn't surprise me that you're a step behind," Sirius remarked. Peter looked slightly embarrassed.

"Well...well -- you haven't heard who's replacing him, then?" His tone was anxious.

James rolled his eyes. "Don't be stupid, Wormtail, no one can possibly know now. There needs to be tryouts first."

"Oh."

"Moony, will you stop reading for one second of the day?"

Remus looked up only to notify Sirius that he had heard him, and flicked back to the book.

"What's it to you, Padfoot?" he asked placidly. "Something needs to make up for the little brains you have."

"You know what, Moony? You irk me. Stop reading before you shrivel up into a flobberworm. It's for your own health."

"This is the year before N.E.W.T. year, Sirius," Remus stated from behind his book in a steady, yet slightly impatient tone. "If there's any time I should be studying, it's this year. Now let me go back to Arithmancy, if you don't mind."

"But Moony, my friend, we have forever before we have to take the N.E.W.T.s!"

"Ah, lay off him, Padfoot," James begged playfully. "If he wants to be a poor book bum with no life, for Pete's sake, let him."

Wormtail giggled, the faithful audience he was.

"No, seriously, leave him alone, you three, stop teasing." Lily scolded with, nevertheless, a smile on her face. "Anyway, I heard the N.E.W.T. level was ridiculously difficult, and I don't blame him for wanting to study."

"Thank you, Lily," said Remus behind his book.

"From the _start_ of the year _before_?" James asked with ridicule.

"Why not?" Lily replied stubbornly. "Do you know what, even, I think I'm going to start, too."

She reached into her bag to pull out her own book, and as she did, the diary slipped out. And because it had been pressed open for Lily's writing, the poem lay face-up on the ground.

Sirius eyed the book. "What's that?"

"Nothing that concerns you," said Lily calmly, but nevertheless, tried to snatch it out of sight, reddening slowly. Sirius was quicker. Lily clawed him as he shot to his feet and read the poem out of her reach. Lily scowled and jumped for her book. Sirius whipped it away.

"Can I borrow this?"

"What?" she asked, frozen in mild surprise.

"Muggle Studies. We're supposed to hand in a poem. And I'm -er - challenged in the literary sense."

"_Only_ literary?" James murmured.

Lily shrugged. "Fine." She snatched it back. "But _ask_ me next time," she added as she ripped the page out of her book.

"What was it I just did?"

"You asked like a primitive beast, that's what you did. Here."

Sirius took the paper. "Prongs," he said in a business-like manner. "I'm off hand to this in to the unhappy woman. Only the fifth overdue assignment and she's already going ballistic on me." He jerked his head in a gesture toward the castle. "You'll have to back me up on a load of owl dung I gave her about you delaying my progress."

James rolled his eyes. "Why am I not surprised?"

He gave Lily a quick peck on the cheek and got to his feet with an ostentatious grunt.

"Are you coming with us, Moony?" Sirius asked.

Remus looked up suspiciously from his Arithmancy book.

"For what reason? I wasn't dragged into your 'load of owl dung' by any chance, was I?"

Sirius laughed. "Of course you were, mate! How is anyone going to believe me if there's only Prongs to back me? This requires someone intelligent and trustworthy and responsible and --"

Remus growled and snapped his book shut. "I _knew_ it. You owe me, understand?"

Sirius smiled. "Perfectly."

"Wait!" Peter sprang up to join them. "Was I in your story, Padfoot?" His voice faded in Lily's ears as the four friends walked away.

"Don't be thick, Wormtail. You're a terrible liar..."

The sky had been growing darker from a while before. Inevitably, droplets of rain began to fall from the sky. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter quickened their strolls to sprints toward the castle. Lily watched her poem flapping in Sirius' hand, wondering whether he would remember copying it in his own writing first before he handed it in. She felt a drop of rain fall on her shoulder. Lily was mostly protected under the leaves of the beech tree, but she knew it wouldn't be long before the roof of leaves could no longer withhold a downpour. In the distance, she heard several screams near the lake, probably coming from a few hydrophobic drama queens. Lily took her bag and held it over her head as she made her way to the dry shelter of the castle. By the time she got past the lake, no one remained outside. She neared the castle, and the door opened. A slouched figure allowed a foot outside before he stopped abruptly. He was minute from where Lily stood, but she would have been able to identify his aura of solitude from a mile away. Noticing the rain, the figure retreated stoically inside.

Lily broke into a run as the roaring of the rain escalated. She thought vaguely of the poem she had given to Sirius. She had never really paid much attention to how she had thought of the idea for it. But the solitary figure passing by reminded her.

* * *

**A.N.: The only way we know you care is through your thoughtful comments. Anything is welcome, so please review!**


	2. Tales of a Quidditch Game

A.N.: Hey, it's us again! Thank you so much to those who reviewed! It means so much because it really does inspire us to do our best. We know this chapter is even shorter than the first one but next time we'll really try to make it longer. We welcome both praise and constructive criticism because without both, the point of feedback would be undermined. Please do us the huge favor of also informing us of any inconsistencies with the canon and we will try our best to fix the problems!

Also, a note we forgot to mention last time. We started out making Lily and everyone sixth years. But due to plot changes, we decided to make them all seventh years. We apologize to anyone to whom that might be a problem. But no one really minds, right?

Disclaimer: Are you people honestly still thinking that Harry Potter belongs to us?

* * *

Chapter 2

"We're dead."

"Very dead. No hope."

"That does it, I tell you. It's over."

"Completely dead."

"Deader than dead."

Lily gave a surprised look at her gloomy group of friends. If she hadn't been so bewildered, she would have laughed. The whole lot of them sauntered down the hall with the same enthusiasm as a team of grave diggers.

"How are we dead? Just because James can't play in the next game - "

"He's not only _not playing_, Lily," Sarah Hynnes wailed dramatically. "He's being replaced by Warren."

"What's wrong with Warren?"

Marie, one of the other girls yelped with incredulity.

"What's wrong with Warren?" she exclaimed. "If we could get a Quidditch player stumbling around with his bloody eyes closed, I'd pick him over Warren."

Lily finally laughed. "He's not that bad. Besides, James is only a seeker. Seekers don't control the game that much, so how badly can it go? And even if we were to lose, it wouldn't be by that terribly much."

Sarah closed her eyes in disbelief.

"Honestly, Lily, you're with James every day and I still need to inform you about him. He's the Quidditch captain. Who puts the team together? The captain. Who supports the team from the very core? _The captain_. And - no, Lily, I know you're going to argue that he already went over the game plan ages ago, but this is not about the game plan. They need him _during_ the game, do you understand me? Can you name anyone else on the team with the same leadership qualities as James?"

Lily actually paused to consider as the other girls grumbled in agreement. _No,_ she realized. _Not really_. Though, Lily often liked to classify James' "leadership qualities" as crude bossiness. Her confidence remained stable. But the other girls had obviously never begun with confidence any sturdier than a paper doll.

"Like I said, we're doomed."

"And we never lost a game in a long time, either."

"Exactly. There goes our grand streak."

"What a shame."

Lily sighed. "Will you girls stop! Trust me, we're going to be fine - "

They had just entered the Great Hall when a flurry of Ravenclaw girls nearly toppled them over. The sight of the contrast in mood between her Gryffindor friends and the Ravenclaw girls was enough to quell the ferocious appetite she had for breakfast for a month. They looked as though each had been kissed by both Thomas Foley and Sirius Black, the dream of nearly every single Hogwarts girl.

"Oh, _stop_." Sarah pouted, eyeing the gleeful Ravenclaws. "Don't even start gloating, we know how hopeless we are."

With that, Sarah and the other Gryffindor girls moodily shrank away to sit at the mourning Gryffindor table.

Abigail Bartleby, prominent among the Ravenclaw group by her loud voice and the fact that her father was among the Wizengamot, was the first to speak.

"Excuse me for this," she said. "But this is going to be the first Ravenclaw victory for decades. I think we should be allowed some degree of smugness."

Lily sighed exasperatedly. "You never know, Abigail. And it's best if you don't get too cocky, the game hasn't even happened yet."

"Why?" The face of another Ravenclaw girl popped out from within the dense crowd to challenge Lily. "Worried that your worst nightmare might actually come true?"

Lily rolled her eyes mentally. "Ha ha ha. Really, it's only one change of a player. I honestly don't know why everyone's fussing over it so much."

Abigail and the rest of the girls trailed behind her toward the Gryffindor table like a multi-headed shadow. Behind her, she heard them whisper amongst themselves like conspirators. Lily sat down and glanced back at them, stifling a laugh of ridicule.

"And despite seeing your faces so early in the morning, I actually would like to eat breakfast, so can you spare your verbal celebration for later?"

"Lily…" Abigail twirled a lock of hair, eyeing her with a foreboding scrutiny. "How sure are you about the outcome of this match?"

The Gryffindor twisted in her chair and rose her eyebrows at her interrogator.

"How sure? Sure enough to know that you are much too confident for your own good." She smiled. "Sorry to disappoint you, but Gryffindor has no less chance of winning the next game as Hagrid does of taking in a baby dragon as a pet."

Lily noticed their blank faces. "Which is very possible," she confirmed.

There was a strange glint in Abigail's eyes.

"Really, now? Are you willing to stake your life on that?"

Lily sighed. "As long as the Gryffindor team walks onto the field un-injured, un-jinxed, in their proper minds and perfectly human forms, then yes."

"Come here." Abigail took Lily's wrist and rushed out toward the entrance doors. A burst of excitement seemed to swell in her. Lily stumbled, confusion and slight curiosity allowing her to be steered out the Great Hall.

"Abigail, what -"

"Wait, just be quiet Lily. Listen to me."

They had stopped just outside the buzzing of the Great Hall where all five of them panted.

"Abby," gasped a tall girl... "Don't tell me you're going to --"

"Hush."

Abigail rounded slowly on Lily, wearing a smile almost identical to the ones of the girls behind her. Uh-oh. She could only guess that they had planned something beforehand. And something told Lily that they weren't planning a Gryffindor victory parade.

"Boys do this all the time, " Abigail began. "I've seen them losing or gaining great stacks of galleons after a game. So I thought, why don't we girls have a little bit of fun too? Since we're both so sure that we're right about the outcome of the match, why don't we make this just a little more exciting? Why don't we have a bet?"

Lily eyed the gaggle of girls before her warily.

"What sort of bet?"

They continued to grin in unison.

"With money?" She asked because she that it wasn't the answer.

Abigail shook her head. "No, not with money. Money makes the bet rather boring. More with…with our pride."

Lily blinked. "What?"

"We'll do favors. If Ravenclaw loses, you can tell me to do anything you want. If Gryffindor loses, we tell you what we want you to do. But we don't decide on the terms yet. We'll come up with it later. But it can range over _anything_. As long as it doesn't physically hurt or kill the person." She said this so casually that Lily was tempted to laugh.

"Why not," she replied coolly. "Should we shake on it or something equally as stupid?" Lily held out her hand. Abigail took it solemnly. Lily felt a burning then rapidly cooling sensation in her palm.

"And we can't tell anybody else," Abigail said quickly. "You know that gambles like these are forbidden in Hogwarts rules. The teachers think they're trying to prevent us from developing bad habits in the future."

Everyone, including Lily rolled their eyes. All of Hogwarts knew of Mundungus Fletcher and the crowd that he ran with. He conducted one of his illegal deals at least once a week.

"It's a wizard's contract," Abigail added. "In case you get any ideas of backing out…"

They released hands. "…so that there's no escape."

* * *

_Aw, great._

How could she have forgotten her bag? She just bought a great stack of books to notice she didn't have anywhere to put them. Lily glanced out the streets of Hogsmeade. She must have left it at the Three Broomsticks. And it was miles away. Not to mention slightly uphill. How lucky.

It was just one quick trip to the Three Broomsticks. She'd try to make it as painless as possible. Lily adjusted her arms to where she felt most comfortable carrying the books. Already, they seemed to stretch her muscles to breaking point. Lily darted ungracefully up the cobblestone. She realized a bag would not even relieve the effort against the weight. She would need a bloody tow truck. She should have just refused to buy the extra books for her friends, who decided not to visit Hogsmeade this weekend. Lily let out a few unlady-like huffs as she felt her legs begin to harden into lead. She was often told she was "too nice". She was also often told with warning that people liked to take advantage of her for that. _I am being too nice_, she thought as she quickened her pace. _And it's damn painful._

Lily collided into someone in her blind race toward her destination. And it wasn't pretty. Books flew and scattered in a loud ruffle of pages. With a small cry, Lily landed very painfully on the ground.

"Excuse me," she felt herself saying, despite the frustration she felt. The road was still damp from the rain the day before, and the water soaked through the pages of the books. Lily hurriedly gathered them.

"Perhaps it would help if you walked with your eyes open once in a while, Mudblood."

Lily's eyes shot up to the culprit. Severus Snape stood over her, not even bothering to help. He walked around the fallen books and continued on his way.

_You, unbelievable -- _Lily abandoned her books and trudged after him. "Excuse me." He did not take the slightest note of her presence. "Excuse me!"

Finally, Snape turned to face her with an inquisitive look on his face. Lily stood her ground.

"Don't call me a Mudblood. It's downright disrespectful. I prefer to be called Lily Evans."

No response.

"So I'd appreciate it if you called me Lily Evans," she continued lamely.

Snape gave her the look one would give a grimy puddle of mud. Lily found this attempt at communication finally useless and turned on her heel. What on earth gave her an ounce of sympathy for him, even once? What a GIT. She could find no better word for him.

During potions the next day, she asked to switch seats with her partner Mitchell Mallard in order to avoid sitting next to the despicable creature.

In the library, she took one look at him in the "Dark Arts" section before she disappeared behind "Herbology".

And in the middle of a long-winded discussion (of predictions of a James-less Quidditch match) between the James and his cronies, Lily sprang from her spot under the beech tree and headed indoors when she saw the pale boy cross to her side of the lake.

Lily knew she was being stupid and childish, but she didn't care. She just wanted to keep the biggest distance from him as possible. As long as she had less of a chance of talking or interacting with Snape in any way whatsoever, she was happy. And she hoped it would stay that way. More than that, she hoped that he would no longer be part of her life.

* * *

Judgment day. 

Lily walked with the others to the stadium to find good seats before they were all taken. Every so often she turned around and looked for the Ravenclaw girls, ducking in case they saw her. James and Sirius continued talking about what could happen during the game while Remus was rolling his eyes at their inflated conversations. It seemed that James had mostly recovered from the shock and laments of his current suspension from the game and had switched to his usual mode of cynical hubris.

"Well, it's not like they're totally useless without me -" said James airily, unsuccessfully hiding a monstrous grin.

"Of course not, they're just mostly useless," Sirius cut in laughing.

"But if Gryffindor loses this game, then it might be out of the running for the cup!" interjected Peter, worried for the state of his house.

"Oh please Wormtail," replied James unconcernedly, "We have the rest of the year to make it up. Actually, I can probably make up the loss in just one game."

Remus and Lily exchanged knowing glances as the tirade continued, the issue now being if he was Seeker, whether Sirius could make it up faster than James could. But now, while James could make up the loss in the next game, Lily could not redeem herself after this Gryffindor downfall. Not knowing the terms of the bet made it very difficult for her to have Gryffindor lose. After all, Merlin forbid, she did not want to spend the rest of the year doing Abigail Bartleby's homework for her.

The five of them quickly took their seats in the center of the stadium, not wanting to miss any of the action. But apparently, much of the rest of the school had the same idea as well and as a result they spent a good twenty minutes arguing over where they would sit.

Lily gazed over the entirety of the stadium, her stomach churning. The crowd seemed to be rowdier than usual. Well, of course. With James as the seeker, any Gryffindor defeat was certainly a must see. In the meantime, the team marched in single file out of the changing room and into the cloudy and chilly arena. Madam Hooch placed her whistle in her mouth and blew. The balls were released and the fourteen players shot upward.

"And they're off!" said Andrew Phillis, the commentator for the game. "And Douglas takes the Quaffle immediately, Ravenclaw Captain Douglas with the Quaffle, he dodges Grant, he dodges Gaines, he dodges Sinclair as well…He's going straight for goal! He's going to shoot - and - and he's scored."

Lily was watching the game intently when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She groaned inwardly when she turned to see who it was. Abigail and her tag-along crew were perched on the bleachers right behind her.

"And it's Gaines, Gaines with the Quaffle, what legs that girl has, they make any guy have to cover the front of their - "

"Mr. Phillis, I would like to keep the commentary relevant and appropriate," warned Professor McGonagall with an air of one holding a club over his head.

"No problem, professor, my apologies -- and she's ducked Malcolm, she's passed Douglas, she's - ouch - been hit from behind by a Bludger from Lewis…Douglas catches the Quaffle, Douglas heading back up the pitch and - nice Bludger there from Arthur Taylor, that's a Bludger to the head for Douglas, he drops the Quaffle, caught by Tina Sinclair, Tina Sinclair of Gryffindor reverse passes to Robert Grant and Grant's away - "

"Excited, Evans?" Abigail asked, smiling.

"Plenty." Lily replied frostily.

"And its going, its going…!" Johnson faltered as Pickett smugly caught the Quaffle with one hand, throwing it adeptly back to a Ravenclaw Chaser. "And Pickett blocks the throw…" he continued miserably.

Lily and the Marauders groaned with the rest of the Gryffindors. The game was only progressing as such. As Sarah Hynnes predicted, it seemed that James's suspension had somehow tampered with the rest of the team's skill as well. Sure, maybe much of the team's strength was dependent upon James. But a good portion of it had to come from the players themselves as well. Lily could only surmise that the removal of their best player had played a serious blow to morale.

"Ravenclaw score!" came Andrew's voice amid the cheering and booing from the crowds below. "So that's sixty-nil to Ravenclaw…"

Lily winced as a Bludger caught Robert Grant, one of the Gryffindor Chasers, square in the stomach. And by the time Wilson, the Keeper, started falling off his broom from the blood loss, she was hiding under the bleacher seat.

"Ravenclaw in possession - Malcolm with the Quaffle - passes Grant - passes Sinclair - hit hard in the back by a Bludger, damn, I was hoping for the head --uh, that is -- he fortunately didn't drop dead - Ravenclaws score - oh no…"

"Ehhh, Abigail…about that bet…" Lily started hesitantly.

Abigail smiled shrewdly. "Evans, really…you aren't thinking about jumping out of our little wager, are you?" Lily let out a weak and strained grin. "To think that I would see the day where a Gryffindor would try to run away at the first sign of defeat…"

Lily narrowed her eyes heatedly at the pointed insult and drew her lips into a crisp line. "Of course not," she retorted derisively. "In fact, I was just going to tell you not to get too confident about victory. After all, we may just be on the break of a huge come-back." Even as she spoke though, she could feel the jaws of defeat bearing down upon them. Next to her she heard the Marauders take a collective groan, James's being the loudest.

"_May_ being the key word of course," replied Abigail softly.

Lily turned her head back to watch the game. And as if it couldn't have gotten bad enough, it started to rain. Not just rain, but outright downpour. Oh bloody damn, Lily thought, sneezing. The score was now eighty-twenty Ravenclaw. It was a lost cause. The rain had washed away any hope Gryffindor had at all of winning the game. And less than a minute later, the stadium erupted in cheers as Thomas Foley emerged victorious with the Snitch in his hand. The girls behind Lily squealed in excitement as Foley blew kisses to them. (James and Sirius scowled at this.) Peter raised his hands to clap intermittently every now and then and Remus just sighed as he watched the forlorn Gryffindor team players walk back into the changing room. James and Sirius were looking at each other like they had known all along that Gryffindor would lose. Everyone was now running back into the castle despite the fact that they were already drenched.

Lily had barely entered the castle for more than a second when she saw Abigail waiting for her. She waved off the guys, who dejectedly dragged themselves up the stairs towards the Gryffindor common room. Remus attempted to stay and wait for her but she beckoned him on. He followed after the rest and Lily turned towards the Ravenclaw girls.

"I'll refrain from saying 'I told you so'" Abigail said, grinning from ear to ear.

"Please do." Lily replied curtly. She was trembling from the cold and she really wanted to go to her room to dry herself off.

"C'mon Lily, you would feel the same way if you were in our position." Abigail said rather cheerily.

Lily sighed tiredly. She really, really, should not have agreed to this but she had to agree that was true. "All right, I'd rather hear it and just get it over with.

Abigail smiled deviously as the other girls giggled. She took Lily aside to a corner and silently pointed to a group of shivering Slytherin boys returning to the castle, in particular to a teenager with a pallid face and hooked nose.

Lily raised her eyebrows in confusion. _Huh?_

"Let's just say…would you happen to have any attraction for a certain Severus Snape?"


	3. Cycles

**A/N: Acckk…To our devoted readers, this excessively late chapter is dedicated to you. Thank you so much for waiting this long for us to put it up. One of us was on hiatus on the other side of the globe (Japan), so thus the chapter was delayed for a while. But, it's here now! And with the glorious arrival of the sixth book, we will be adding along from the canon things into our fic, because we happen to be cannon fanatics. As there is nothing earth-shattering relating to this fic in particular, readers who have not read HBP yet (shame on you!) will not have that ruined for them. The most that we have added are additional characters. Anyways, enough talk, and happy reading!**

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* * *

**  
She did not need to scour her brains for this. She hated him. It was a strong word, but that didn't matter to her. The frantic Gryffindor had been a second away from begging on her knees -- with sopping hair and robes heavy from the rain -- for anyone but _Severus Snape_, but Saint Abigail had been relentless.

Lily broke out of her miserable daze and the cauldron loomed back into her view. The heat exuded from the boiling liquid, nudging the nerves on her face as a reminder of her present situation. She sighed and took the vial of armadillo bile, tipping the bile into the mix to complete the procedure. _No, wait, I already did that! _She yanked her hand back, but she hadn't been quick enough; the bile splashed into the bubbling contents of the cauldron. A mass of grey steam rushed out with a loud hiss.

"Is everything alright back there?" came Professor Slughorn's call from the front of the room.

"Yes," Lily replied breathlessly as she fanned the steam and examined the table for a neutralizing ingredient. "Sorry, Professor, everything's fine."

She tried the fix the problem the best she could, and when the color and texture of the potion finally looked at least similar to the color and texture before she added the bile, the perspiring student checked her book to find where she was. Noticing that her blunder kept her several steps behind, Lily quickened her pace, not wanting to have an incomplete potion by the end of the class.

"Ah -- um...thirteen times clockwise..." she mumbled to herself. She grabbed the ladle and began stirring.

_"It's for your own good." Abigail smirked, as if waiting for her to ask why. _

_"For my own good?" Lily squeaked._

_"Well, let's put it this way, shall we? Why doesn't anyone hate you?"_

_The baffled Gryffindor blinked. "What do you mean?"_

What was she _thinking_ when she made that vow? And how did Abigail know the last thing Lily wanted to do? It was worse than she dreaded. And she had no alternative. Her grip tightened on the ladle. Honestly, _she_ wouldn't have done something like that to Abigail if Ravenclaw lost instead. She didn't even have a plan for what she wanted Abigail to do for her if she lost. Lily mainly agreed to the bet to rub it into that haughty Ravenclaw's face once Warren, the replacement Gryffindor seeker caught the Snitch. But obviously, he hadn't, and that was what got Lily into this mess.

Lily was only subconsciously aware that she didn't keep count of her stirring. She barely even noticed that the smell lingering in the air was burgeoning from her own cauldron as she stirred the murky liquid. With glazed eyes, she noted that it reeked of...well, whatever it was, it wasn't pleasant. Lily tried not to smell the stench or inhale it through her mouth at the same time. It was like...old rubbing alcohol or something of the sort. And garbage. And...metal. And burnt leaves or...

A thick, green haze rose sinisterly and swam in the air before her as her hand continued to guide the ladle in a circular path, sleeves grazing the rim of the cauldron. Lily was too distracted to even notice that she had far exceeded the thirteen clockwise turns...

_"Why doesn't anyone hate me -- is that what you said?"_

_"Yes, why are you loved by everyone in this school? Why does no one have a grudge against you?" Abigail babbled excitedly. _

_Wordlessly, Lily stared. _

_"That's right, Lily. You don't let them."_

And she was determined to stay away from Snape as much as possible. But even as much as she hated him, she did not want to hurt anybody.

The moment Lily heard Severus Snape's name she knew -- even before a smug Abigail Bartleby went on about breaking up with James, getting Snape to notice her, _dating_ the slime-head until the end of the year, and finally making a fool of him in front of everyone at the right time -- Lily _knew _that she would not enjoy a minute of it.

Standing to Lily's right, Mitchell Mallard straightened up and frowned.

"What the blazes is that smell?" he muttered to the air.

Lily, with her unfocused eyes fixed on a spot on the table, and hands still steering the ladle, didn't notice.

The color of the smoke had long past faded, but the smell became more pungent -- almost tangible. And it started to spread.

_Lily found her voice. _

_"..and why would I want people to start loathing my guts?"_

_"Well, not to the point of loathing your guts, exactly, but -- well -- you have to show everyone that you're not quite the goody-goody they think you are. And what if you are? Everyone loses interest." _

...but she couldn't throw away her pride. She had already injured most of it herself when she complained. No, from now on, she was going to pretend none of this bothered her one bit. From now on, she was going to win the greasy-haired freak's heart (at this, Lily nearly gagged) without hesitation. She was going to complete her task with ease and laugh with Abigail and her cronies at the end of the year and not regret a second.

"Somebody wake her up," a Slytherin girl begged in a muffled voice. Her robes, just like many others around her, were pulled up to her face.

"Professor!" another Slytherin student shrieked. "Mallard fainted!"

_"..Then before you know it, you're not remembered for anything. Don't you want to be remembered for anything special after we leave Hogwarts? Don't you want to leave a mark of some sort?"_

_"Not for this, certainly," Lily answered stubbornly._

_"Who gets remembered for being nice? Trust me, I'm doing you a favor, Lily..."_

Oh God, the _smell_. Lily caught a slight whiff. That alone made her immediately smother her face with her robes.

"Finally!"

"What's up, Evans? Beffudling Charm still on you from the last class?"

Lily did not answer. By then, she had regained enough of her composure to take her wand from her robes and clear her cauldron. The smell stayed in the air, but faded slowly. Potions! One mistake and it's no use.

"Oh dear." Professor Slughorn in all his bulk approached the unconscious Mallard near Lily's feet. "A good shake will do," he said to the students hovering over his sprawled body. "He'll be fine without a visit to the hospital wing, I believe."

One of the students obediently shook Mallard awake.

"What happened?" the recovered Slytherin slurred groggily.

"I'm sorry Professor," said Lily. "I guess I was distracted. This won't happen again, I promise."

Professor Slughorn shook his head almost mournfully. "What could possibly distract one of my favorite students from Potions? Nevermind, I'll excuse you from this, I'm sure it was just a simple mistake -- many brilliant witches get distracted even -- class dismissed!"

Somehow, as they left, Lily caught a glimpse of Snape glancing at her as he walked by, looking smug. It was funny how much more noticeable a person became after he had been mentioned recently. Lily felt her face burn with rage and humiliation.

_"Abigail, I don't..."_

_"Oh, please, Lily. You lost the bet. You can't cry now. Suck it up and accept what you've brought upon yourself. Besides, it's not like it's to anyone who doesn't deserve it. It's only Snape."_

_

* * *

Get this right, Lily, _she urged herself. "James." Lily took a deep breath. "I have to tell you something."

_Don't let him talk until you've finished. Don't let him throw you off. Just keep going. Let it all out. You have one chance, Lily. _

"I feel as if -- what we have right now...together...is not enough. I don't ask for much, James. Try to understand. What I'm trying to say is...well, where we are -- it's wonderful, it really is. But I feel as if we're not going anywhere."

She had a funny feeling somewhere inside her as she spoke. It was a realization. Her words were not just fabricated from thin air just to carry out her dreaded task. She wasn't pressured by command. These words were real.

"I'm not even sure of what's been keeping us together all this time. I'm looking for something more than what we have right now. I feel as if this relationship is missing something, and I don't know if you can give it to me."

_Look at him, _she reminded herself. She set her chin.

"So I'm going to have to end this. You can continue focusing on Quidditch. And I will continue abiding to the Dark Lord's orders as his most devoted servant and assist him in his grand plan to subdue the world -- dear God, I can't do this."

Lily sighed loudly, eyeing her hopeless expression reflected on the mirror before her. It was not easy. She could say it all now, but could she say it in front of James? How would he take it? True, he was her boyfriend, but before that, he had been her friend. A close and loving friend. And it was tugging on her conscience to hurt someone who had been so dear to her like that. But it wasn't like she had a choice. Even if she hadn't made the bet, the relationship just didn't feel right anymore. It would be an insult to their friendship to keep it up when it had lost its meaning.

She rested her forehead against the cool glass. How could one little unwise choice have the potential to damage her way of life? What if their friendship was ruined permanently? If the situation crashed with James, then remaining friends with the rest of the Marauders might turn awkward as well, even uncomfortable. And she could never bear that. Sirius always brought the chaos into her life. He had always been James' sidekick -- his first mate, but still, never an exact replica. He would occasionally give Lily the friend side that James would be missing at certain times. And when things were on the verge of getting carried away with those two, Remus always managed to calm them down. He had a way of simmering things -- not only James and Sirius, but frantic moments in Lily's life as well. Peter…well, he was just Peter. The fan. The admirer. And James. He had always made her heart tingle and sparkle. But now it just twitched. Lily sighed again for what seemed the umpteenth time. Just what was this bet going to do with her life?

Lily remained there like that for a long time, pondering, waiting, hoping for an answer.

* * *

Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew stood on either side of a statue of a huchbacked hag. Peter whimpered softly with excitement in what looked like an exhilerating staring contest with the glaring eyes of the stone hag while Sirius stood back against the wall with the same bored expression on his face. With a slight suspicion as to what the two Marauders were doing, a passing Remus decided to ask anyway, in an almost tentative tone. 

"What are you doing? Where's James?"

"Why hello, Moony," Sirius smiled at his friend. "For a second there, when you walked around that corner, I thought you were that Agnes Parkinson again (she won't stop tailing me, that annoying pugfaced twit), in other words, I'm glad to see you."

"Likewise, but that didn't answer --"

"James is nicking things from Hogsmeade," Peter Pettigrew responded, breathless with anticipation. "He's coming back any second and he told us to stand watch."

"Ah..."

"I think I hear him!" Peter pressed his ear against the hump of the statue. After a moment he frowned. "Or it could've been a mouse? I'm not -- AAUGH!"

A hole had appeared from the statue's hump and Peter was knocked to the ground as though something invisible had fallen on him.

"Whoops -- sorry about that, Wormtail." James appeared out of thin air as he flung a silvery cloak off to the side. He held a large, battered piece of parchment in one hand, and a wand in the other.

"Mischief managed -- here, Padfoot, Wormtail, Moony -- I can't carry all this back to the Common Room myself -- it nearly anchored me down on the way here."

Remus, with Zonko's products piled in his arms, frowned disapprovingly. "You know, Prongs, there's a line between mischief and crime --"

"Aw, save it Moony, if I wanted two Lilys in my life, I'd say so."

* * *

The four Marauders entered an empty common room (the rest of the Gryffindors were eating lunch in the Great Hall) and deposited the stolen loot onto the couch by the fireplace. Peter immediately tore at the sweets and hastily stuffed as much chocolate in his mouth that fit. With bulging cheeks and chocolate glistening on his lips, he smiled to himself, as if savoring the reward of clever theft, even though he had not performed it. Sirius merely examined a Zonko's product before tossing it aside, unimpressed. Remus stared almost pleadingly at the ceiling. 

_Thievery,_ he thought. _If I'm not drawing a line here, where do I draw the line?_

"I think Zonko's has come up with a new product if I hadn't missed it before," said James as he dug out what appeared to be an ordinary inkbottle.

"Supposedly, they appear to be regular school supplies, but the label says they actually make excellent --"

He stopped abruptly at the sound of a door shutting above them. The rest of the boys froze, eyeing the girl's dormitories.

"James?"

"Crap," hissed James, recognizing Lily's voice. Panicking, he gave his wand a spasmodic wave, and all the sweets and joke products leaped and wedged themselves under the couch cushion. He whipped around and straightened up immediately, hoping she wouldn't notice how the cushion seemed to swell from sheltering the goods. James raked a hand through his hair, this time, to disguise any sign of guilt in his movements.

"Alright, Lily?"

Lily stopped at a scarlet armchair and traced the embroidery with her fingers. There was a long silence.

"Actually, no. I...I want to talk to you James."

Remus headed toward the boy's dormitories, muttering about forgetting something from his room. At his urgent gesture, Sirius and Peter followed.

"It's hard," Lily began tentatively. "I really don't know where to begin..."

"Do you want to sit?" James offered.

"Oh. Yes, actually. "

Lily approached the bulging couch near the fireplace before James careened her toward one on the opposite side of the room. Lily sat down, but she noticed that James remained standing. She felt oddly uncomfortable this way; it reminded her of the times a professor would leer over her desk to ask her questions in order to set an example for the class, knowing she will answer correctly.

"You don't want to sit down?"

James shrugged nonchalantly. "I like standing better."

"Please sit. For now at least. I really want to talk to you."

"Lily, you could still talk to me like this. It's not that difficult, is it?"

Lily frowned. Did he just pick today to be so stubborn or had she missed that spot of detail the entire time she had been with him? "It just doesn't feel right when you're standing, James. I feel like I'm...it's as if you're waiting for this to be over! You're not, are you?"

"I'm not! I'm just standing, I hope there's nothing wrong with that!"

"James!" Lily took a deep breath. "It's probably not even about me sitting or you standing or any of that rubbish. That's not what this is about. I'm trying to be serious with you. But you're on your feet like that as if you're sure this wouldn't be important. As if you could just easily walk off and continue on with your own thing after this is over. So _please. _Could you just sit now? It's that simple. Just sit, and...and...stop fiddling with that inkbottle."

James smiled in a much cheerier degree than was called for. "Come on, Lily. This is what I call making a mole into a mountain. If you just tell me what's on your mind, then I'm sure --"

"I'm breaking up with you."

James dropped his inkbottle. It exploded before his feet. A smothering silence followed, as if to make up for the enormous burst of sound. Although startled by the explosion, Lily made relatively no reaction. Behind the smoke, she could only make out an outline of James. She had been given barely a second to see his face.

_"Wormtail, you are damn lucky that bomb saved us, or I would've murdered you."_ Sirius hissed as he struggled to his feet at the bottom of the stairs. _"I never thought walking down the stairs could be so complicated for anyone, you clumsy lump."_

_"Well, you weren't so slick yourself when you grabbed us to break your fall, Padfoot," _Remus whispered vehemently.

_"I tripped because of Wormtail! It was either that or letting my head get cracked open! "_

Remus sighed, thought better of saying how he preferred the latter, and attempted to drape James' invisibility cloak back over himself and the others before the smoke cleared.

When Lily could see James again, he had donned a peculiar expression on his face. He appeared to be deep in thought. Then finally, as if the smoke had been silence itself, James broke the wait with a ponderous "huh."

Lily raised her eyebrows. _ Huh. _Was that all? But then she saw James' face undergo several transformations, as though his facial muscles were experimenting. He went from thoughtful to blank, from a twitch of a smile to a disfiguring frown. Then slowly, his mouth expanded to a grin of realization. He burst out laughing. Lily was startled, but James did not seem to notice as he doubled over, guffawing like a hyena.

"Oh, Lily, that was really good," he managed to say after a severe bout of hysterics. "You honestly fooled me there, well done."

Her jaw nearly dropped in dismay. "_What?_"

"For a moment there, I actually believed you wanted to break up with me..."

James could not continue for he was choking with mirth. And in the corner of the common room, Peter smothered his mouth with his robes to stem his own laughter. "She's not serious," Sirius remarked, grinning himself. Remus remained silent and expressionless, not removing his eyes from the apparently ludicrous scene before them.

When her shock started to ebb away, Lily rose slowly from the couch. "What are you talking about, James?" she demanded quietly to disguise the quiver of growing rage in her voice. "I'm being serious."

"I love you, Lily," he sighed after calming himself again. "You really never fail to surprise me."

Shutting her eyes as if in immense pain, Lily shook her head. "You see? This is _exactly_ what's wrong with you -- you think _everything_ is a joke! I can never be serious with you!"

James' shaking began to subside, and his smile wilted the slightest at her words, but his light attitude still remained. He gently grasped her shoulders.

"Lily, I'm sure you wouldn't want to break up with me, even if you weren't joking. I suspect you're --"

She swatted his hands away, and with the same quiet, cold tone she used in the days she hated him, said, "_I _suspect you're still the same immature, narrow-minded scumbag. Good night, James. I'm going to bed." With that, she pushed past him and stalked across the common room.

"I'm too tired to even try to reason with you anymore," she concluded stiffly as she headed toward the girl's dormitories. And not another word came from Lily, James, nor the invisible Marauders until a good few tense minutes after the door shut upstairs.

By now all signs of laughter had disappeared from James' face. He huffed loudly, and continued to ponder, looking more confused than anything. He paced the common room, darting glances back toward the girl's dormitories, then to the windows and the walls, uttering incoherent noises every so often, and only growing more and more frustrated by a resilient puzzlement. Finally, after minutes of getting no answers, he sank into the couch by the fireplace with another slightly irritated huff. Two sherbet balls, a bag of Cockroach Clusters, and a balloon-like Zonko's device that farted loudly as it hit the floor, fell from under the cushion to the red carpet. James glared at the corner.

"I know you three are hiding there. I'm not stupid, you know."

The three Marauders threw the cloak off themselves, gladly welcoming elbowroom and fresh oxygen. Remus and Wormtail looked a little sheepish from being discovered, but Sirius walked boldly over to James and clapped a hand over his friend's shoulder.

"I'm sure it's just a mood problem, mate. She'll get over it in no time."

* * *

Lily stormed into the Potions classroom, her cloak billowing out behind her. She ignored all the pointed whispers and mutters that she knew were surely about the recent events in the Common Room. The Gryffindor girls and even some of the Slytherin girls were overjoyed to hear that James was now an eligible bachelor, much to the dismay of their boyfriends. Sylvia Plath was applying a fresh coat of mascara, sneaking glances at James every now and then, to which Lily irritably snapped, "Oh, for goodness's sake." Sylvia gave Lily an annoyed glance, ignored her, and promptly proceeded to the lip-gloss. The peeved Gryffindor resisted the temptation to shove the gloss up her pretty nose and made her way to her seat. 

James was deliberately not looking at her but was seemingly engrossed in a highly entertaining conversation with a bemused Remus. Lily glared at the latter, as though it had been his fault she broke up with James, but he just gave her a helpless shrug as if to say _What do you expect me to do?_ Lily couldn't sit next to James as she usually did after everything that had happened, so she threw her things with a huff onto the table behind them, scaring a sleepy Benjy Fenwick out of his chair. She sat down on her chair with another huff and spied, with irritation, Abigail out of the corner of her eye applying make-up as well. _She probably set this whole thing up just so she could have a chance at James too_, thought Lily nastily. But Lily was pulled out of her classmate-bashing trance with the slam of a door, announcing the arrival of Professor Slughorn.

"Ms.Plath, put those silly things away. Ms.McKinnon, really, you are better off without those unsightly sparkles. I have potions and brews that will have you throwing out that mess through the window in a heartbeat. But that comes at a later time because today," Slughorn paused dramatically for effect, "we're choosing new Potions partners!"

His words swept an interested fervor among the class. It wasn't the idea of actually choosing the partners that caught them; it was that once partners were chosen, they could begin work on their 7th year research projects almost immediately. In 7th year, Potions and other classes became optional, taken only by the most interested students who wished to pursue independent research. Sirius without delay dropped the course ("You don't understand, I've had it with hippogriff feces…") and Peter followed soon after ("Well, uhh…I've never been really good with that stuff…"). Remus and Lily, on the other hand, had signed up almost instantly. Lily had always had a natural talent for the subject and Remus…well, she wasn't sure why but he had mumbled to her once something about a cure for lynthracopy. James had just tagged along for the ride, not really caring because his Potions grades were acceptable enough for the course anyways.

"But we will do that at the end of class, so for now, finish up all remaining work from last class." The class let out a sigh. Slughorn continued, "I need two groups of two to go fetch some fresh ingredients." He pointed arbitrarily to Remus and James and then to two other students. "You two, go pick some fresh tulsi from the greenhouses. Be careful not to damage their roots while pulling them up." Remus and James left quietly to do as he asked. Slughorn turned to face the other two and told them to find something or other from Hagrid - Lily wasn't listening.

She frowned in disappointment as Remus left the classroom - she had wanted to ask him during class whether he would consider partnering with her for the semester project. She had originally intended to partner with James but that was now out of the question for obvious reasons. At the same time, she wasn't so sure that she wanted to do the same project as Remus did. Lily poked her Potions textbook in fierce irritation and glanced sideways to where Snape was working. He was scribbling furiously in his textbook, making cross-outs, glancing at his bubbling potion, and then editing what he had already wrote. She sighed. It was what she was supposed to be doing but her concentration had the fickleness of a befuddled boggart today.Lily gritted her teeth and went back to her potion. To her panic, the entire potion had boiled over and had started to melt the table legs. It took her almost the entire period to get rid of the mess and finish a somewhat decent attempt at a remake. And now it was almost time for class to end and tell Slughorn the decisions for partners but Remus and James hadn't come back yet. Most of the girls hadn't paired up yet, anxiously waiting for James so they could flood him with offers. But at Slughorn's insistence, whose patience was wearing thin, they grudgingly paired up.

Benjy Fenwick approached her cautiously, bewaring of her temperamental mood. "Um, Lily, if you don't have a partner yet, would you like to pair up with me?" he asked slowly, trying to predict her reaction.

Lily groaned inwardly. It was the last thing she wanted to do. It was true that Benjy was truly a nice person and his grades weren't too shabby either. But really, he slept all the time. She knew that she'd end up doing most to all of the work. "Well, um, actually - " she began but was spared the distress of rejecting him by the arrival of Remus and James running back into the classroom, heaving and clearly out of breath. James' glasses were lopsided and flecked with dirt. Remus' hair resembled James' after a particularly aggresive Quidditch match, and was dampened with sweat at the roots.With torn and disheveled robes, they struggled to explain amidst gasps for air.

"Sorry Professor, we - "

"- huge vines - "

"- huge Man-eating vines - "

"- nearly killed us - "

"- almost _huff_ eaten _huff_ alive - "

"It's all right boys, calm down," Slughorn interrupted. "Take a moment to catch your breaths and get back to me in a minute about your partner choices." He chuckled to himself and walked back to his desk. "I can't tell you how many times I would just barely escape those things…"

James straightened his glassesand stared after the potions teacher with disdain in his eyes. "So we just did your dirty work for you…"

Remus laughed quietly. "Just drop it James." He caught Lily's inquisitive gaze and motioned for her to come over. She did so quickly, wanting to ask him before things got awkward with James.

"Remus, if you don't mind, would you mind partnering with me for the semester project?" James froze as she asked. She avoided his gaze that was turning from her and Remus, back and forth.

Remus was also silent, clearly caught in the middle of his friends. He replied quietly, "Actually, I decided to do a year project instead." He paused before continuing. "And, I decided to do it alone." At Lily's and James's surprised faces, he went on. "I know, we're supposed to have partners. I already decided it a while ago with Slughorn, he gave me special permission." Lily and James were staring at him. "Sorry," he added tersely. The bell rang and students began to rush out.

"Students without partners at the front!" Slughorn called. James and Lily were desperately avoiding each other's eyes and Remus was just as desperate to leave. They both waved Remus on and walked up to the front, meeting none other than a smirking Abigail Adams and a frustrated Severus Snape, who was currently in a heated but doomed argument with Professor Slughorn.

"Why can't I work alone!" Snape asked angrily. "If the werew-" he began.

"He is allowed because of special permission from the Headmaster," Slughorn cut him off, his patience ebbing away with each word. "Now, this argument is over." He faced the rest of them. "I want you four to make your final decisions now. You let me know once you're content with your partners." He left, preventing any of them from saying anything else.

The four of them stared at each other, two of them shooting daggers, two of them avoiding contact, and two of them thinking and calculating. While James and Snape were in a silent death match, Abigail raised an eyebrow at Lily and covertly flashed her eyes at Snape. Lily understood the message immediately but averted her gaze, having no desire to convey that. Abigail, though, knew what Lily was thinking and scowled at her. All of a sudden, Lily's right hand, the one she had shook on the bet with, was scorching hot and burning with pain. She cradled it impulsively and gasped in agony and the three of them turned to look at her. James immediately made a motion to soothe her but caught himself. Snape just looked at her and sneered.

It was Abigail who finally broke the silence. "Rock, paper, scissors, anyone?" she suggested merrily.

"Excuse me?" Snape asked derisively.

"Or we can draw for sticks if you want," Abigail continued.

"There's no way in bloody hell I'm working with you Snape." James said quietly, his voice oozing with contempt.

"Thank you for the obvious, Potter," Snape replied back, with just as much detest.

"Then it's either James/Lily and me/Snape or _Lily/Snape _and _me/James_," Abigail stated, with pointed emphasis on her preferred arrangement. She capped her message with a cheery grin at Lily. James had looked hopefully at Lily when Abigail mentioned them. Lily suddenly found herself entranced by a lumber knot on Slughorn's desk. She switched her gaze to the floor, kicking herself for what she was about to do.

"Well, I guess it's decided then," Lily started calmly. "I'll pair up with Severus and you two can pair up together."

It was as if all the sound had been sucked out of the room by a vacuum. Abigail looked like her she was in a fierce struggle to maintain her composure, she was trying so hard not to jump up and down with glee. James and Snape just looked shell-shocked. It was silent.

Then, "WHHAATTT!"

"Are you insane! You would rather go with that bastard!" James exclaimed furiously.

"I don't work with Mudbloods," Snape hissed contemptuously.

"Don't call her that, you sonofa-"

"I can defend myself, thanks," Lily interrupted, shooting James an icy stare -- the first sign of eye contact since lunchtime -- before turning back to the other."Listen, _Snape_. I don't like this any better than you do. But at least this way, we'll be on the same level of caliber. Unless you feel like lowering yourself all the way down to their level for the next four and a half months."

James looked like Lily had just slapped him. Abigail's estatic smile fell immediately.The three of them remained silent for Snape's response. He was staring murderously at the floor.

Abigail again interrupted the silence. "I'll go tell Slughorn then." She walked away from the group wrathfully. She was clearly angry over Lily's remark.

James was still staring at Lily in hurt but left the dungeon rapidly, the atmosphere suffocating him. Snape followed after seconds later, his eyes throwing poison-laced daggers at Lily. She stood there alone for a long while in the deserted dungeon.

"I hope you're happy," she snapped bitterly to the stone walls, to an absent Abigail, to God or whatever celestial being out there that was supposedly punishing her. And she waited, as if expecting a booming voice to respond, "Yes, I think I am, thank you."

But nothing answered except the stone walls that lashed back her grievances in haunting repititions. Lily did not move until every one of these voices faded away into silence.

* * *

**A/N: Remember to review! Thanks!**


	4. Trials and Tribulations

**A.N.: Hah, hah, hah, hah….would you lookie here….it's an update! Hah, hah, hah…… :runs away:

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**Chapter 4: Trials and Tribulations

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"So let me get this straight," said Sirius, frowning. "Lily had to choose between you and Snivellus ... and she picked _him_?"

"Yes," James answered promptly.

"You're kidding. _Severus Snape?_"

"Damn right."

"Slimy git-face Snape?"

"That's the one."

Sirius leaned back onto the couch, bewilderment affecting his handsome face. In one of the few moments of his life, he was at loss for words.

"I know. Mind-boggling, right?" James said spiritlessly. He tried to feign unconcern by rolling his eyes and shrugging before he proceeded to attempt the finishing touches of his homework assignment, which was due in the next ten minutes. But for moments, his narrowed eyes were fixed on one spot of the parchment, and his quill did not so much as quiver. By the time the shock had begun to ebb away, Sirius was ready to advise his friend not to count on feedback from inanimate objects. But before he opened his mouth, James pushed his assignment away, and violently rounded on Sirius.

"Honestly, I don't know what's wrong with that woman! She didn't even give me a reason for ending it with me in the first place. And you would think that even though we're not exactly in the mode for snogging each other's faces at the moment, you'd THINK that she'd still want to pick me over him." He glowered at the portraits in the Common Room as if it were their fault and they scowled back, leaving him to glare at Sirius's owl, which had just flown in.

"True," sighed Sirius faithfully. He gave his best friend a frail smile that indicated that he was indeed beyond hope. "She's really taking this breakup seriously, mate." A bit too promptly, he transferred his attention to the roll of parchment in his owl's beak. He plucked the letter from the owl, read it, and burst out in a wide smile.

"What?" James asked warily, upset that anyone could be happy while he was suffering and curious about the contents of the letter.

"Clarise just ended it with me!" Sirius beamed and threw the parchment to James.

"I thought you were with Tina…weren't you snogging her in the broom closet before Divination today?" James asked, confused. He perused the caustic letter and shuddered. Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius's obvious lack of care for the letter.

"No, that was Tina's sister, Mina. Tina was yesterday in the History classroom," Sirius said nonchalantly. "Mina's better than Tina though," he added as an afterthought. James sighed and put the letter on the counter.

"Maybe she's testing you," Peter piped in helpfully. "It could be that she wants to see how much you care about her. Now that I think on it, it could be the same for Lily, too."

Sirius scratched his chin, letting it sink in. "You know what? That _is_ a thought ..."

Then, realizing who had spoken, he joined James in his flabbergasted stare at the short marauder. "That might have been the most intelligent-sounding statement you've made in the last two years," Sirius said with awe. "Well done, Wormtail."

James whispered to Sirius quietly, "What did he say two years ago?"

"I think it was when he dropped acid on McGonagall's shoes and he said 'I should start running now, shouldn't I?' " Sirius whispered back. James opened his mouth with an "oooohh" and nodded, recalling the memory.

Peter shot Sirius a nasty look and continued. "I read somewhere that girls are sometimes unsure of how their boyfriends really feel about them. She probably broke up because she wanted to see how far you'd go to get her back," Peter finished smugly, feeling quite triumphant and omniscient.

James shook his head, looking as if someone had just hexed him. "Wait a minute. Now why would they do that!" he exclaimed. "She couldn't just ask me how I felt?"

"Women are complicated matters, my friend," said Siruis compassionately, patting James on the shoulder. "They like to take the path of least understandability." Remus raised an eyebrow at the statement but Sirius had either failed to notice, or chose to ignore him. "Look at Clarise," he continued. "Spitting nonsense about not paying attention to her and ignoring her needs. Like what does _that _mean?" he exclaimed. "What needs could she possible have except getting some action with the Hogwarts dream boy?"

Remus rose up from his chair furiously. "Sirius, I can't believe you just said that!" he shouted heatedly.

"What? It's true!" Sirius said defensively. "Just by looking at the girl you can tell that all she can think about is the next time she's going to get snogged."

"Clarise is ranked in the top three percent of the class and is head of the Astronomy club!" Remus said angrily. "And she's a prefect!" Remus added, as if that settled everything.

"Ooohhh yeah," Sirius agreed with a hushed tone, realizing now. "Sorry, I confused her with that twit Abigail. She, on the other hand, could only think of my body," Sirius said fondly. The other three sighed exasperatedly and dropped back onto the couches. James was still in a foul mood, Sirius's bantering not helping any.

"There has to be an explanation for Lily breaking up with you out of the blue," Remus pondered, more to himself than the others. "This is not like her. There has to be a reason behind it."

"Well, yes, we've got that part figured out," James said bitterly.

"Shh!" Remus grimaced with irritation and resumed the appearance of one analyzing the floor. He did not notice James gawking slightly at his reaction.

After a while, Remus shrugged with resignation. "I have Ancient Runes. See you at lunch." He headed toward class without a backward glance.

_But she hates Snape!_ exclaimed every cell of his conscience as he continued to ponder on his way to the third floor. _I don't get it. _He had many suspicions, of course, but tried not to think of blackmail or bribery, as it was out of character for Lily to give in to such frivolities. But there was another reason he avoided that possibility. It meant that Lily was being forced to do something she did not want to do -- no, that was an understatement. Lily was being forced to do the last thing on earth that she wanted to do. She most likely being threatened or coerced into it, he rationalized. The people probably said something along the lines of harming friends or family if she didn't agree. That must be it! She broke up with James in order to protect him, obviously.

But, of course, he was probably being overdramatic. It wasn't an earth-shattering crisis if Lily decided to break up with James, as long as she had her own reasons. But why didn't she explain it to James properly? Remus had always known her to be a very rational person. He never remembered her being so vague whenever she decided something like this. It was utterly and absurdly out of character. And to add insult to injury by hooking up with her least favorite person as a partner, whom she would have to meet with regularly for months -- would she go that far? It would have been completely understandable if she had partnered up with someone else. If she needed her space, then naturally, she would try to spend as much time away from James as possible.

Some form of force seemed to be the only explanation in Lily's behavior. If the goal was to have Lily partner up with Snape, then her breaking up with James would make her choosing Snape over James more believable. And if Remus continued to tread on this particular road of possibilities -- if it was really blackmail, then why did these people want Lily to do such a thing? What would they gain from that?

A torrent of wild, dreadful thoughts crossed his mind. Of course, it could have been a bit of a stretch, but, well, whenever he thought about or looked at Snape, he could not help but think about the Dark Arts or the Dark Lord -- or something _dark_. Was someone hoping that Snape would influence her into becoming a Death Eater? No, no, she was a muggleborn. They would want nothing to do with her. And even if she wasn't muggleborn, or they hadn't known that she was -- why Lily? She was brilliant, yes, but that wouldn't have been enough. It couldn't have been because of her family members were Voldemort's servants -- or because she had special connections with certain wizards -- again, she was _muggleborn_. And if there were any common characteristics for Death Eaters, it would be hatred for muggles and muggleborns. Remus stopped short. If one was potions partners with a potential Death Eater -- or anyone for that matter -- wouldn't the so called Death Eater have a perfectly legitimate excuse for being alone with that person in a certain room -- which would create the perfect opportunity to carry out any anti-muggleborn Death Eater duty they wanted? But again, Remus thought as he continued to walk, why Lily? She was not the only muggleborn in the school.

It was only pure habit that led him to Ancient Runes without getting lost. He could only go where his feet led him. Meanwhile, his mind continued to delve into the tangle of worries and brambles of wild thoughts. He did not know whether some of his inklings had to be further explored or whether his developed suspicions were close enough to the truth. It was not unlike getting lost in the woods. Was he getting farther away from his destination by going _this_ certain direction? If he turned around and went _that_ direction, would that mean turning away from the closest and most direct path?

By the time Remus made it to the classroom, he was in no mood to decipher so much as a piece of parchment. He felt as if his brains had been fried to uselessness. Finding that he could not think anymore, he made his decision. He was going to ask Lily before it drove him insane. He would ask casually first. And if she refused to answer, he would not stop until she gave in. It was not like him to be so persistent, but in Lily's case, it was necessary. Oblivious to his surroundings, Remus nodded to himself.

Yet as much as he tried to feel assured, there was still another glaring thought that lurked in the back of his mind. It prodded his stomach with a knife as he took his seat. It hovered over him as he robotically flipped to page 499 in the Book of Numerology and tried to look interested in its contents.

There was something worse than his concern for Lily's safety. Something worse than the thought of Lily becoming involved with Death Eaters. He knew he would never be able to admit it to anyone, but worse than anything else, he felt guilty for not being able to prevent it. No -- that wasn't the worst. The worst was that if Lily _was_ in danger, he knew that he would not have the strength to protect her from anything.

* * *

Lily tapped her foot impatiently as she waited in the hallway for Snape's Arithmancy class to end. It had taken her a week of careful observation, stalking, and bribery but she had finally learned his entire schedule. This was her third attempt at approaching Snape about the project. She had failed the first two times but this time she would hold her ground. She would not let him bully her into retreat. She had a reputation with Slughorn to protect after all and she didn't need any pesky Slytherin trying to rub her Potions grade into the dirt. Besides, she had been looking forward to this year! She had so many ideas to run through, the possibilities for experimentation were endless. But she needed Snape's cooperation or otherwise it would all go to waste. 

She heard Professor Vector announce the end of class and tensely rocked back and forth between her toes and her heel. The class began filing out and she saw Snape with a couple of friends bringing up the rear. Snape paid her as much attention as he would to a speck of dirt on the wall as he walked smoothly past her.

"Snape, I need to talk to you," Lily said calmly as she followed behind him. He continued on as if he hadn't heard her. She raised her voice even though she knew that the bustling in the hall was not the reason he paid no attention to her. "Snape, this is important, you know it is, and I would appreciate it if you would hear me out," she continued, desperately trying to not succumb to hysterics. He continued talking and snickering with his friends. They were turning the corner now, going into Slytherin territory. It was going to be now or never.

She sped up until she was ahead of him and whipped around so she was directly facing him, not giving him space to move away. Snape glared and opened his mouth to snipe at her but she cut him off.

"Look, I tried being polite, but I guess any type of courtesy doesn't work on you," she said angrily. "Whether you like it or not, we're partners and we have to do this project _together_. It won't just start on its own. So get rid of your pathetic I'm-better-than-you attitude, Snape, because I'm not going to tolerate it anymore." Snape was radiating fury now and his friends were reaching for their wands. Lily stiffened and nervously groped inside the pocket of her robes to clutch her own. She hoped her apprehension did not show up on her face. She might have been able to handle Snape by himself but it was going to be very difficult to duel all of them. She began taking a step back when Snape put his arm out in front of his friends. They all looked at him warily. He motioned for them to go on without them. She opened her mouth to speak but he cut her off this time.

"If my memory serves me correctly, you were the one who suggested this little pairing," he said scathingly. "So you should have realized that if you're working with me, you're going to have to abide by my rules." Lily opened her mouth in protest but he continued. "First of which, any contact that we have to make can be done by owl. Your Mudblood presence makes my skin crawl."

"The name is Lily, use it," she gritted out, biting her tongue to prevent herself from launching into a tirade of insults.

"Second, I have already begun," he continued as if she hadn't spoken. "So you will only be there to assist me with whatever menial task I need you to perform."

"That's so bloody unfair!" Lily yelled. "Why should I not have an equal say in this! It's my project as much as it is yours!"

"These are my terms, and you can accept them or you can go whine to Slughorn." He smiled menacingly.

_He knows bloody well that I won't, _she thought mutinously. She straightened up and held her stare, trying hard to look unaffected by this.

_Fine, you cocky slime wad._

"Fine. So where --"

"The old Potions classroom in the third dungeon corridor tomorrow at five," Snape replied. And he left, leaving Lily just standing there. She flushed red with fury.

_Damn him, damn him, damn him to the pits of hell.

* * *

_

Lily fiddled restlessly with her quill as she tried to pay attention to Professor Flitwick. But his lecture was only coming through in waves, as if his voice came out of a stereo, and someone was fooling around with the volume knob. _Forgive me if the theory on wart removal isn't at the top of my priority list right now. _She made a half-hearted attempt to write notes, constantly reminding herself that it was N.E.W.T year, after all, and that she couldn't afford to blank out during classes. Still, it was hard not to take her mind off the night before. Although she knew now that she made the right choice about James, she wished that she had handled the whole thing a lot better. A part of her also may have pitied him for his confusion as to why she broke up with him, but her pity was immediately replaced with annoyance. If he had absolutely no idea why she left him, it only proved how arrogant he was, after all.

Furthermore, an occasional _I hate Snape_ would also drift through her thoughts, and then she could only think about his utterly demeaning stares, his pigheadedness that was somewhat different and somewhat worse than James' pomposity, how he reeked of hatred for her only because she was Muggle-born, and his overall unattractiveness. Lily always felt like shuddering whenever his image entered her thoughts. He was disgusting, inside and out.

For about the tenth time since the beginning of Charms, Lily caught herself thinking about all that, and hastily went back to her notes, when a crumpled up piece of parchment landed on her desk. She looked to her right to see Remus anxiously staring back and forth from Flitwick to her to the parchment. Lily quickly put her textbook at the forefront to hide the note and quickly made to open it.

_Lily,_

_Not to be rude, but what in the name of Merlin has been going on! You might try to deny it but your break-up with James came out nowhere and you've been ignoring us for weeks. James is beside himself and _(there was something crossed out here)_ the rest of us have been really worried about you._

_Remus_

Lily sighed to herself. She knew Remus was stealing glances at her but she made an effort not to look back. It wasn't worth telling him about the bet and more, he wouldn't understand her feelings about James. But when a student's stray charm whizzed by her head, she involuntarily jerked her head in Remus' attention. He looked strained and exhausted and his face was lined with worry. The fact that it was only days till the full moon was also clearly etched in. Lily sighed again and turned the parchment over to write.

_Remus,_

_I'm sorry for the way things have been the last two weeks. Things really just got out of hand since that Quidditch match and my mind's been a mess. To keep it short, I lost a bet to that old tart Abigail and now my punishment is to go out with Snape. To do that obviously I would have to break up with James. But I didn't just break up with James just because of the bet. In fact (and quite ironically), the bet prompted me to do what I've wanted to do for a long time deep down -- oh God no, not the Snape part, if that's what you were thinking -- the break-up part. Anyway, so I ended it with James for other reasons too. Other…pent-up feelings. And I guess I couldn't explain why to James because I couldn't fully realize until later that unconsciously, it was what I wanted. You do understand what I mean, right? _

_Lily_

She nervously looked at Professor Flitwick but he was occupied with Marlene McKinnon who had somehow managed to blow up the warts on Caradoc Dearborn's to the size of baseballs instead of removing them like she was supposed to. James was lazily folding a paper airplane and charming it to hit the back of Peter's head repeatedly. Lily threw the crumpled note back but it missed quite a bit. Well, sports were never her forte anyway. Her heart jumped though when it landed closer to James than Remus. James' eyes moved momentarily from the note to her and made a move to pick it up but Remus (bless him) was quicker and snatched it before James got a chance. James looked slightly confused (and hurt?) but Remus shrugged it off, mouthing, _She needs help with a project._ Lily watched Remus out of the corner of her eye and saw somewhat amusedly as Remus' eyebrows progressed steadily higher as he read the letter, then slowly relaxed. He scribbled a note back and threw it at her.

_I understand. I was just a little suspicious because it wasn't like you to -- no, more importantly -- WHAT! Go out with Snape? But, you couldn't possibly do that! Please tell me you didn't agree to that! Wait, is that why you asked him to be your Potions partner? Lily, why didn't you tell me before?_

_(By the way, now that I know what's behind the breakup, I really am sorry about you and James.) _

She smiled humorlessly. He sounded almost like her bedmates, they were always giggling and gossiping over the newest couples and break ups.

_Remus, you know me. I can't stand Snape. I hate him, really I do. I would sooner have partnered up with the Whomping Willow than that miserable git, if I had a choice. He's the meanest, foulest, most arrogant Slytherin that we know. Well, maybe besides Lucius Malfoy. But that's not the point. Do you know how torturous it was for me to resign myself to the fact that I would have to partner with him of all people for the Potions project? That I would actually have to go out with him? That (God forbid) I might have to be in physical contact with him! Believe me, no one knows the pain of this more than I do. But a deal is a deal. I lost the bet and a Gryffindor keeps her word. I'll fake a relationship with him for a while, and then Abigail and her cronies can be in charge of humiliating him. Oh, and his hair is slimy. That's reason enough to never go near him._

_But really, thanks for caring, though. I can always count on you for that, and I appreciate it. _

Lily chucked the note back at Remus and watched as his face turned from anxious to more anxious to concerned. She must have dazed though because for a moment she imagined that he blushed.

Remus scribbled something quickly and threw the crumpled note back to her.

_Anytime, Lily, anytime._

"Come come Ms. Evans, let's see how you've managed so far," Professor Flitwick called out as he walked towards her desk. Lily hurriedly shoved the note into her Charms notebook and thrust it to the side. Now she had to somehow figure out a way to produce a successful wart removal charm without any practice. She closed her eyes and groaned.

* * *

Warming up to Snape was as slow and futile as trying to warm up a pair of stiff frozen fingers in abusive weather. It rendered all attempts useless. In other words, it was more difficult than Lily thought it would be. And she had a little more than an inkling from the start that it was not going to be a stroll in the park. 

Perhaps it might have been easier if she hadn't always been the one to start a forced, painfully awkward, then finally, frustrating conversation. She had not even dared to think that he would be of any help to her. She did not even consider for a moment to wait for him to start any interesting topic that they would toy with pleasantly for a few minutes to pass the time. It was both difficult and somewhat disturbing to picture. The most Snape would ever do was work robotically, fixing his eyes only on the bubbling surface of the potion, or an ingredient he was shelling, peeling, or dicing. He would not even look at his partner when she held a vial of the next ingredient before him, always on cue. Hell, she doubted if she charmed the bleeding thing to her forehead and danced the mambo for him that he would look at her. Then finally, a second away from suffocating from the tension, Lily would blurt out a feebly interesting comment that she knew she would be better off not saying -- only to hear a snide remark which -- if she was in a particularly snarling mood, would swell into a heated, occasionally ongoing argument. It would explain why there were many times when they both labored the entire length of the time in complete silence.

She never remembered experiencing a more excruciating month. She should have known ever since that first encounter when she cornered him down that he would make her life an utter misery.

"Where have you been?" he sneered as Lily walked in ten minutes later than usual. James had stopped her in the hall again, attempting to make her explain everything, but after minutes of trying to run away, Lily finally snapped at him, and the two argued for the umpteenth time. Remus had faithfully not told anyone about the bet and for that she was eternally grateful. It made at least some part of her life a little less complicated. As little as she enjoyed it, she could bear the arguing, but she didn't think she would have been able to endure any of James' fierce attempts to stop her if he found out that breaking up with him and dating his least favorite person in the world was not of her own free will.

"Taking my sweet time," she snapped back. If she were in a less foul mood, she would have noticed that it was the first time Snape had ever spoken to her first. "But I'm sure you didn't miss me while I was gone." She swung her bag from her shoulder and dropped it to the ground.

Snape scowled. "Not at all," he replied. "But you were supposed to bring the lacewings, which I needed to start the base of the dry mixture, otherwise believe me, I couldn't have cared less if you chose to 'take your sweet time' all day."

"First of all, it's '_we_ needed', not '_I_ needed'. When will you get it that the words 'partner project' mean both of us?" she snapped back. "And I brought the bloody lacewings." She nearly threw the small bag in his direction. Unfortunately, it missed his head and it landed on the floor instead.

Snape growled. "And now it has probably been rendered useless." But he took the bag anyways and emptied it carefully into a pewter bowl. "Remove any black spots that you see and then grind it," he commanded.

"Yes, your highness," Lily muttered softly. She moved over to the desk to begin the tedious job. "And how come we're making a dry mixture? Doesn't the reference article say that reactive properties of lacewings are most dulled in a slightly moist mixture?" she questioned. She did not bother to take the blatant irritation out of her tone.

Snape gave Lily a disdainful look. "Anyone would know that the Potions Master Digest is a far superior publication than the Potions Weekly, where you must have gotten that useless information. And it clearly states in the September issue of Potions Master Digest that the dry mixture is the one we should be using."

"Yes, but that issue is about ten years old. Most ingredient suppliers these days have interbred the Austrian and Columbian species because it amplifies the reactive properties," she argued back.

"It doesn't matter if either of the species has interbred with a chimera. I've always used a dry mixture and that's what worked best for me," he replied rather haughtily.

Lily chose not to continue the argument because as much as she liked to be one up on Snape, the fact remained that the sooner they both got through this, the sooner they could leave. She combined the ground lacewings with the contents of another bowl and handed the dry mixture to Snape, who promptly proceeded to carefully add a small measured amount into a bubbling cauldron. They both paused and waited for a reaction. Suddenly the liquid started sparking and flaming, and Snape yelped and jumped back in surprise. Lily ran to the supply closet, reached for the container of boomslang and dumped the entire contents into the cauldron. Immediately the liquid calmed and turned into a viscous murky mud-colored solution. They both stood and stared silently at the contents of the cauldron for what seemed like forever. Lily dared to glance at her partner out of the corner of her eye. He wore a peculiar expression. It looked roughly like the usual scowl, except his head was inclined slightly downward, and his shoulders were tensed, as if he was balancing an invisible vial of liquid on each one. Lily felt a smirk creep up the sides of her mouth. If the color of Snape's face were not permanently fixed on the same gray-tinged ivory, she swore it would have been beet red. How she loved being right. Or better yet, how she loved being right when Snape was the one who was wrong.

"I'm wondering if I should say it," Lily said smugly after the long silence. Snape shot her the deadliest glare he could muster.

"Don't even think about it."

They packed up their things and cleaned up the mess created by the botched potion. It was rather difficult scraping it off the cauldron because it had begun to solidify, but thankfully Snape had opted to take care of it. Lily chose to see that as an unconscious penance for refusing to listen to her before. This brightened her mood a bit more. They left the classroom and parted in separate directions.

Making sure that Snape was out of hearing range as she walked down the deserted hallways, she gleefully whispered, "I told you so."

* * *

Snape hissed a string of bitter curses as he strode into the Slytherin common room. No one in the room reacted to it, however, having been far used to his fluctuating tempers. He scowled at the first-years though, who were still able to be intimidated. He swung his bag across a chair with a particular vehemence and was satisfied to hear his books shriek. He collapsed into the chair across his books and stared at them fiercely as if trying to burn a hole through them. He had heard that wench as he walked back to the Slytherin dormitories. "Mudblood," he murmured lamely. He was too angry to say much else. It was bad enough to breathe in the same filthy air as the likes of her in one room. Being outsmarted by her was a nasty blow to his ego. He began contemplating all the ways he could get back her when a voice interrupted him. 

"Hey mate, what's got your wand up in a knot again?" a burly and grinning seventh-year asked him.

Snape relaxed a bit. It was Gunther Cane, one of the few people that he was acquainted with outside of class. Gunther was captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team and occasionally came to ask him for advice about strategies and such.

"Nothing, it's just a stupid Gryffindor," Snape replied, brushing it off. "How goes the prep for Friday's game?" he asked.

"That's actually what I came to talk to you about. Do you think you could look over some of the lineups and tactics for me like you did last time?"

Gunther handed him a piece of parchment filled with many notes, diagrams and scratch-outs. He pointed to one of the moving pictures.

"This part might need a bit more work than the others, see? Seems it's only going to work out if the goalpost area is free save for two or three people, and I need a better way to clear the area."

Snape skimmed through the notes. "I'll look at it."

"Thanks a load. The changes that you made to our approaches really helped us out in the last game. Who knew potions and quidditch strategies were interrelated?"

Snape gave him a withering look. "Who indeed. Because there couldn't possibly be anything I'm mentally capable of besides brewing potions."

Gunther shrugged indifferently. "You _are _in the dungeons on your spare time."

The two moved onto other topics. At last, late at night after Gunther had left and he had finished up two of his essay assignments, he managed to steal another glance at the parchment that Gunther had left for him. But his eyes were tired and the moving figures on the parchment only made him dizzy. Besides, after the night's experiment fiasco, he wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed. Reluctantly, he put the parchment in his bookbag to analyze later and headed upstairs. He was asleep minutes later, dreaming of bubbling cauldrons, mutated chimeras, and stick figures on flying brooms.

* * *

**A.N.: Review, review, review! It makes us happy! **


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